Learning Curve

I'm doing an apprenticeship with my favoritest witch. We have a theme, meditation. I don't know how hard it is for anyone else, but its kicking my butt. She's told me that I'm a bean....I soak and soak and soak and soak, and then I sprout.
It's so true.
I've finally figured out, for myself, why its so hard. In order to properly meditate, one must focus on one's own mind. One is only able to focus on one's own mind if that person finds themselves worthy. I have not, and don't make a practice of finding myself worthy of much. Kinda sad, really. Not in the pity party kind of way, but in that what the hell have I been doing with myself kind of way. So, in doing the meditation, I have been spending time with myself. And while its hard, I now have the understanding that its hugely beneficial, and that I am worthy of my own time. Wow!

We work on witchy things, tools and Sabbats and ritual, but its the little bits of "Aha" that she slips into lessons that are really going to change my world. And it's exactly what I need.

Power in words and pyramids

Last Thursday I received my power word. And it worked!!!
For the first time ever, I sat still and meditated. For about 10 minutes. A phone rang and I lost it, but still, for 10 minutes I was somewhere beyond myself. It was amazing.

Also, my howlite pyramid and citrine clusters arrived in the mail this week. I've found myself responding to everything in a much more calm and controlled manner. I like it :)

power word!

Tonight is ritual at El Bee's. I'm excited. I'm always excited for ritual. I love the energy that fills me up and keeps me inspired and at peace for days. I love being able to be barefoot, feel Mother Earth between my toes. The heat of the fire and the chance of rain, the wind that moves through all of us. Its a beautiful thing.
Tonight we are going to receive power words. This is a word that can help us to center ourselves, or facilitate meditation. It will help us find the energy when our ass is dragging. I cannot wait!!!

I'm still working on my witch bottles. I feel that now more than ever I need to complete them. Tomorrow, while riding the energy raised from tonight, I will make the sigils that will go inside them, and write out my negatives. I will gather the remaining ingredients, and I think I will actually finish my banishment bottles on Sunday night during the new moon.
Big magicks.....sometimes scary and intimidating.

Blue Howlite

Saturday night during the full moon, I participated in a sale of crystals and stones, and other fantastic items. I was immediately drawn to this small pyramid made of blue howlite. This is not a stone that I usually feel attracted to, but oh my!!! I couldn't take my eyes off of it. I bought it. Its being shipped from Australia. I still couldn't figure out why I needed it so badly. Tonight, I think I found the reason. It's properties so closely mirror my life this past month...really these past few months. I thought i would share.

Howlite healing crystal enhances communication brings peace and balance to our lives. It is a wonderfully calming crystal, it also helps to overcome rudeness, aids us in accessing our past lives and also enhances spiritual awareness. Howlite encourages reasoning in all that we do and increases our desire for knowledge.

This crystal helps to overcome anger and stress and will calm an overactive mind. For the egocentric among us this is definitely the crystal to use. It can also be used to increase endurance and to dissolve selfishness provides us with wisdom and insight, helps us reach our goals and it also brings out our innate decency. This crystal will encourage us to be tactful and patient aids in out of body travel and discourages impertinent behaviour.

You can use this crystal’s healing abilities to aid with disorders of the teeth, aids bone structure and soft tissue, balances the calcium within our bodies either high or low depending on the situation. And aids those suffering from insomnia, also helps to eliminate pain, anger and stress.

finding a moment to be witchy while relocating

Taking a moment here and there to breathe is difficult while moving. The adrenaline, the chaos, the whining and angry outbursts, the tears and endless lists. Something always seems to be happening.
While going through boxes and sorting everything, I made sure to take a moment to put aside "new home altar items". I found quite a few things that I would like to include on my altar, as well as my family altar, in our new home. I found things to include in the blessing that will take place on the new moon. And while I was sorting and stressing and all the stuff, finding those few little moments to reflect on the Goddess, the God, and meaning of my altar, I was able to maintain order. It's the first time I've been able to do that during a move.
Blessed Be has taken on a more personal meaning. My girls and I have adopted it as our 'moving mantra'.
I like it :)

explanations and lack of filter

Today I had the opportunity to explain my faith and how I found it to someone new. And there were no stones thrown!! Fabulous! I was unaware of the dynamics of the situation when I began the conversation, but realized about halfway through that I was helping a friend come out of the broom closet, so to speak.
I liked knowing that I was helping, rather than hindering, and that maybe I could supply the words when she ran out. She means alot to me.
I also realized that through my Wiccan path I am able to recognize things in me that had previously been labeled bad, that are actually very wonderful strengths! That sometimes not having a working filter (on my thoughts) may open up a conversation that hadn't found its way out yet. :)

trying

Today I posted my status on facebook with Happy Lammas/ Lughnasadh wishes. I had one friend comment. What makes it so difficult for me is that this friend has posted things like "Those coexist bumper stickers irritate me" and all sorts of things from what I feel is an extremist point of view. They asked if I was harvesting any grain or wheat. Seems to be a simple enough question, but I find myself looking for the sarcasm. Which is not a nice thing to do, on my part. I want people to accept my faith, not believe it, or worship with me, or let me save them. Just accept it as mine. So to do that, I suppose I must first accept that many won't. And let it go.

After all, it would be rude to ask if they actually nail a guy to a cross and then trap him in a cave at easter-time, right?

a little witchy

I have wanted a place to post the things I've been learning and share some of the WOW moments, I finally bit the bullet and did it. In the last year, I have really begun to find my place. I seek pagan experiences and festivals, I seek learning and I share more of all of these things. My spiritual family is growing, and I like it. I have met so many truly beautiful people, and I'm thankful to share my journey with them.
Faith is such an important part of our existence as humans, and finding the faith that speaks to you personally is really difficult. We are usually guided by our loved ones, and then we stay because of friendships or expectations, never really living the faith we've chosen. i didn't grow up that way. I was allowed to pick, and I was 33 before I knew the name of how I believed my spirit was conducting itself. Elements of the pagan path are glaringly obvious in my life, now that I know what they are. I'm so happy that I can share this way of life with my daughters. I am also lucky that my husband shares a good portion of my beliefs and walks a path near my own. We have much to share, and enough differences that we also have much to discuss.
Recently, I have been learning about boundaries. Bubbles created to protect my own personal space. How fantastic! And difficult! It takes constant effort, but will get easier with more practice. I think they definitely are a necessary part of life, and its high time I learned how to shield myself properly. I am also learning about witch bottles, negative and positive. They require much effort, mostly because I agree with the theory that when you remove a negative, a positive must be put in its place. I can't wait to update when I've finished. The planning of the bottles has really caused me to examine my beliefs, and thoughts about myself. This particular bottle is to remove a character flaw from myself. Finding it, and making sure its the right one for me, making sure that it causes no harm, finding the right positive to replace it, finding the ingredients and the right bottle, there is alot of work involved in this magick. I will have to keep updating.
Blessed Be~